Israel and Jordan Trip

Tiger doesn’t owe me anything, so he doesn’t owe me an apology. What’s the point of the public apology?

When it comes to questions about his personal life, one reporter said that we don’t need to know. My response is that we don’t need to anything that reporter has ever written. He’s a sports reporter. It’s his job to write stuff I don’t need to know.

One thing I’d like to know about Tiger is “Who is he now?” He doesn’t want to answer any questions about what he’s been doing lately and why. If he wants fans and sponsors, he needs to say something.

Why this bizarre transformation? He went from being a normal person to being some weird secluded freak. Howard Hughes became a secluded freak, but that didn’t improve him any. Letterman didn’t change at all after his confession. Derek Jeter is the same guy. Why did Tiger have to change? It would also be nice to interview Tiger’s wife Elin.

Can you imagine what would happen if the International House of Pancakes made cars? They would have sticky accelerator pedals.

Toyoda (CEO of Toyota): Customer first is our first priority.

The value of a used Toyota has probably gone in the toilet which means that I can’t sell my car. I am most likely underwater on the loan.

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Princess View Drive doesn’t look like it has a view worthy of a princess. Maybe those cranes are building the new castle.

Not so useful response from Norton Chat line. I was calling about something different, but thought I’d ask about this.

5:51 AM : Michael Alexander :: What does the exclamation point mean on the file icons?
5:54 AM Ratna.Sindhura: Please do not worry as this is some thing related to the file that you ahve saved.

This is an old joke, but I thought up a different ending.

A genie tells a man that he gets 3 wishes, but there are two catches: There’s a million dollar limit and anything he gets, his mother-in-law gets double. He wishes for a million dollars and his mother-in-law gets two million. He wishes for 2 Ferraris and his mother-in-law gets 4. He wishes for a foot long penis.

I’m not evil, so I would never tell a lie like this, but it might be cool if someone did. The following is a fictitious conversation between a reporter and an American tourist in Haiti

Reporter:
Is this the most scared you have ever been?

Tourist:
No, I was in Indonesia when the big tsunami hit. 3 or 4 years later, I was in China when a big Earthquake hit. My friends have started calling me Mr. disaster, because I tend to vacation in Earthquake spots.

Reporter:
Where is your next vacation scheduled?

Tourist:
I’ll be in San Francisco in about 6 weeks.

Some people question whether sex addiction really exists. Maybe it is something created by psychiatrists to generate revenue. Compare someone who spends 2 hours a day having sex to someone who spends 2 hours a day watching television. The person who spends 2 hours a day having sex is a sex addict, but if you cure his sex addiction, what is he going to do with his spare time — watch television? Is that an improvement? His psychiatrist might say “I cured his sex addiction, but now he’s a couch potato.”

If someone spends a lot of time with prostitutes, the risk of disease is high. Is the problem sex addiction or the type of sex he engages in? Instead of spending money on a sex addiction clinic, one could stop having sex for free.

Is there such a thing as “too sexy?” Yes. If a cute girl wants to be my Facebook friend and she’s too sexy, I just say no.

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I noticed that Joe Biden had a glass of water and Nancy Pelosi had a silver set. I wonder why. Joe’s tie almost matched her jacket. Biden’s tie stripes are different from Obama’s.

Barack Obama’s state of the union speech on January 27, 2010.

When I was in second and third grade, I knew of a secluded spot, a pond, where I could find empty coke bottles.  There were many days when I gathered them up and brought them to the store for money.  It wasn’t until many years later that it occurred to me that back in the sixties, that some girls used coke as a douche.  Just hold your thumb over the top and shake it.  I wonder if any of the soda bottles I picked up were used for that purpose.

Snopes – Coke Use
BMJ Medical Journal – Coke Use