Most postings will be from my iPhone
With the new airport security I was wondering — If I use falsetto, can I get someone of the opposite sex to feel me up?
Some stores sell athletic fit t-shirts where the waist is smaller than the chest. I’m fat, so they don’t fit me quite right. I found I can get around the problem by buying extra large. That’s an oxymoron — athletic fit extra large.
I thought up an office prank. You design a shirt, such as a pink business shirt with a picture of the Pentagon on it. You hand them out to all the people who show up on time to work and ask them to put them on. A woman named Rachel hands out forms for them to sign. They get $100 initially plus a $100 bonus if they go along with the gag. Rachel disappears.
When people show up late for work, the early birds don’t tell them anything useful. They tell them that they have to sign a form before they can tell them what is going on. Rachel has the forms, but nobody can find Rachel. Film the late comers wondering around acting confused. This gag is expensive, so only a high budget television show could pull it off.
A woman accused Al Gore of assaulting her. She said that she didn’t go to the police right away, because she didn’t know what the crime was called (sexual assault). She had to go on the Internet to look it up. Does Al Gore regret inventing the Internet?
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/police_release_tape_from_gore_accuser_U2IYikDw6N8YxmABezRAOI
This is an old joke, but I thought up a different ending.
A genie tells a man that he gets 3 wishes, but there are two catches: There’s a million dollar limit and anything he gets, his mother-in-law gets double. He wishes for a million dollars and his mother-in-law gets two million. He wishes for 2 Ferraris and his mother-in-law gets 4. He wishes for a foot long penis.
I’m not evil, so I would never tell a lie like this, but it might be cool if someone did. The following is a fictitious conversation between a reporter and an American tourist in Haiti
Reporter:
Is this the most scared you have ever been?
Tourist:
No, I was in Indonesia when the big tsunami hit. 3 or 4 years later, I was in China when a big Earthquake hit. My friends have started calling me Mr. disaster, because I tend to vacation in Earthquake spots.
Reporter:
Where is your next vacation scheduled?
Tourist:
I’ll be in San Francisco in about 6 weeks.
When I was in second and third grade, I knew of a secluded spot, a pond, where I could find empty coke bottles. There were many days when I gathered them up and brought them to the store for money. It wasn’t until many years later that it occurred to me that back in the sixties, that some girls used coke as a douche. Just hold your thumb over the top and shake it. I wonder if any of the soda bottles I picked up were used for that purpose.
Some People criticized Max Baucus for giving a speech while drunk. My feeling is that that’s the only time when politicians are honest. They should get drunk more often. From time to time, they hold congressional hearings on this or that. Everybody should get plastered.