Most postings will be from my iPhone
With the new airport security I was wondering — If I use falsetto, can I get someone of the opposite sex to feel me up?
Now that Democrats have started calling themselves progressives, I’ve started calling myself a liberal. Sometimes I call myself a conservative depending on who I want to piss off.
Some stores sell athletic fit t-shirts where the waist is smaller than the chest. I’m fat, so they don’t fit me quite right. I found I can get around the problem by buying extra large. That’s an oxymoron — athletic fit extra large.
The phone rang while I was picking my nose. I cut myself with my fingernail. There was quite a bit of blood. Just one of many things that makes me feel stupid. Fortunately, it was somebody I could hang up on.
Somebody got on the intercom at Walmart and asked all black people to leave. What he did was wrong. What if a store competing against Walmart announced open mike Tuesday where anybody could make weird announcements? People might end up going there just to hear strange stuff.
Ah, now comes the day after Saint Patrick’s day. After all the green beer and green food coloring comes the green turd.
I came home from work and my Roomba was missing. I looked in all the rooms. I looked under the bed and it wasn’t there. I found it in the closet. It apparently hit the door once to open it and hit the door again to close it. Silly Roomba.
Can you imagine what would happen if the International House of Pancakes made cars? They would have sticky accelerator pedals.
Toyoda (CEO of Toyota): Customer first is our first priority.
The value of a used Toyota has probably gone in the toilet which means that I can’t sell my car. I am most likely underwater on the loan.
Princess View Drive doesn’t look like it has a view worthy of a princess. Maybe those cranes are building the new castle.
Is there such a thing as “too sexy?” Yes. If a cute girl wants to be my Facebook friend and she’s too sexy, I just say no.
