Israel and Jordan Trip

I think that they should kill the killer whale Tilikum should be killed. I think that bears, sharks, and alligators that kill people should be killed. I would apply the same standard to whales. You don’t want to release it into the wild, because it might kill or train other whales to kill humans. Most animals don’t kill humans for a reason and that reason is that we’re kind of mean. We need to maintain that meanness to keep animals in their place.

Keeping Tilikum caged for life is OK, but it should not be allowed to breed. He already has more than a dozen kids which is enough. Whales are expensive and if Sea World is willing to foot the bill, they can keep it caged. There are laws against killing whales, so my advice can’t be followed unless laws are changed.

In the case of sharks, they should go after a killer shark immediately, because sharks are mobile and if you fart around, you won’t find it.

Tiger doesn’t owe me anything, so he doesn’t owe me an apology. What’s the point of the public apology?

When it comes to questions about his personal life, one reporter said that we don’t need to know. My response is that we don’t need to anything that reporter has ever written. He’s a sports reporter. It’s his job to write stuff I don’t need to know.

One thing I’d like to know about Tiger is “Who is he now?” He doesn’t want to answer any questions about what he’s been doing lately and why. If he wants fans and sponsors, he needs to say something.

Why this bizarre transformation? He went from being a normal person to being some weird secluded freak. Howard Hughes became a secluded freak, but that didn’t improve him any. Letterman didn’t change at all after his confession. Derek Jeter is the same guy. Why did Tiger have to change? It would also be nice to interview Tiger’s wife Elin.

Can you imagine what would happen if the International House of Pancakes made cars? They would have sticky accelerator pedals.

Toyoda (CEO of Toyota): Customer first is our first priority.

The value of a used Toyota has probably gone in the toilet which means that I can’t sell my car. I am most likely underwater on the loan.

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Princess View Drive doesn’t look like it has a view worthy of a princess. Maybe those cranes are building the new castle.

Not so useful response from Norton Chat line. I was calling about something different, but thought I’d ask about this.

5:51 AM : Michael Alexander :: What does the exclamation point mean on the file icons?
5:54 AM Ratna.Sindhura: Please do not worry as this is some thing related to the file that you ahve saved.

This is an old joke, but I thought up a different ending.

A genie tells a man that he gets 3 wishes, but there are two catches: There’s a million dollar limit and anything he gets, his mother-in-law gets double. He wishes for a million dollars and his mother-in-law gets two million. He wishes for 2 Ferraris and his mother-in-law gets 4. He wishes for a foot long penis.

I’m not evil, so I would never tell a lie like this, but it might be cool if someone did. The following is a fictitious conversation between a reporter and an American tourist in Haiti

Reporter:
Is this the most scared you have ever been?

Tourist:
No, I was in Indonesia when the big tsunami hit. 3 or 4 years later, I was in China when a big Earthquake hit. My friends have started calling me Mr. disaster, because I tend to vacation in Earthquake spots.

Reporter:
Where is your next vacation scheduled?

Tourist:
I’ll be in San Francisco in about 6 weeks.

Some people question whether sex addiction really exists. Maybe it is something created by psychiatrists to generate revenue. Compare someone who spends 2 hours a day having sex to someone who spends 2 hours a day watching television. The person who spends 2 hours a day having sex is a sex addict, but if you cure his sex addiction, what is he going to do with his spare time — watch television? Is that an improvement? His psychiatrist might say “I cured his sex addiction, but now he’s a couch potato.”

If someone spends a lot of time with prostitutes, the risk of disease is high. Is the problem sex addiction or the type of sex he engages in? Instead of spending money on a sex addiction clinic, one could stop having sex for free.